Should a bride and groom see each other before the ceremony?

Should a bride and groom see each other before the ceremony?

As you can imagine, your photographer will give this question a resounding YES and I’m no different than those guys.  But, before we jump to the end, let’s examine the question.

When discussing the wedding day’s time line with our couples we always ask this question because it determines how we will best use our time that day.  Although we like to make all the photographs we can before the ceremony for reasons I’ll discuss in a minute, we always defer to the bride’s wishes.  After all, it is her day and part of our job is to make it as special has she hopes it will be.

So, why does a bride want to wait until that ceremony to allow herself to be seen by the groom?

One reason is tradition. Most brides who tell us they don’t want to see each other before the ceremony say they are very traditional and that’s just the way it’s always been.  The fact is that older customs have it that the bride and groom would walk with each other to the church on the day of the wedding.  And most researchers say the custom of not seeing the bride comes from the tradition of arranged marriages.  In those weddings the groom was forbidden from seeing the bride before the ceremony so he wouldn’t have a chance to back out of the deal before hand.  I doubt any of the brides we photograph have that fear.

It’s bad luck. Come on, give me a break!  Superstition has no place in your marriage.  Am I being too blunt here?

I want it to be a special moment when he sees me walk down the aisle for the first time. I agree that this is the most special moment of the most special day of your life.  You are beautiful today, wearing an almost magical gown and walking in to say, “I am here just for you!”

Now, I’ve been to a lot of weddings and let me tell you what almost always happens at the moment.  The bride walks in to this special intimate, moment with her groom and shares it with all the family and guests.  He’s standing in front of more people than he ever has before and he’s nervous.  Yes, he sees her walk in with her escort and is immediately asked to face forward and listen to what the minister has to say.  Wouldn’t it be great if he could just step back and take a moment to let it all sink in?  What if he could just look at her, walk around and see her from all angles and then give her the biggest hug and kiss and tell her how special and beautiful she is?

Here’s another way to have that special WOW moment and, in my opinion, an even better one.  Imagine that your groom is standing all alone at the altar with his back to the door.  He hears you enter the room, there are no guests, no family.  Just you and him and the photographer who is there to record the moment.  In anticipation he hears your footsteps get closer his heart begins to race, but he’s been instructed not to turn around until you tap him on the shoulder.  You come close, right behind him, he can smell your perfume and feel your presence.  Then he feels the tap on his shoulder.  Some guys hesitate just for a moment, not sure how they will react.  Then he turns and, WOW, there you are!  He grabs your hands, steps back and just stares.  He gives you a hug and a kiss and steps back again.  Now he walks around to the back of the gown and tells you how beautiful you look and how much he loves you. Some guys cry, something they don’t mind sharing with you, but not with all the wedding guests.  At this point even the photographer leaves the room allowing just you two to enjoy the moment in private.  This special moment will never happen during the ceremony.

By having this special moment before the ceremony we can now make some of the most romantic images of the couple.  After all, great photos often take a bit of time to create.  If we had waited until after the ceremony to begin the photos we would all feel the pressure to rush in order to be good hosts and not keep our guests waiting too long.

Written by: Butch Oglesby
Blue Moon Studios